here is how it goes...my friends are sick of reading about me hurting, it worries them so i will make a catalog of all of my depressing entries in here just so that i have a place to let it all out at...
Monday, January 08, 2007
long live the car crash hearts
i say and do a lot of things in the heat of the moment. i do not regret what i said but i feel bad for who had to feel the brunt of it. i just feel so alone in more ways than one. the only people that make my daily life liveable don't even know that i exist. i am sick of broken promises. you said "liz, you are so pretty" and "liz, i love dancing with you" but that quickly turned into "i'm sorry" and "please leave a message after the beep" i have stopped trusting people because it just leads to heartbreak. since when are romantic relationships more important than true friendship? the only love i know is that for my mom, my cats, and my band. i went onto the messageboards after a bad day and instantly felt better. your music runs through my veins. a boardie friend, greendayrocker_2, wrote something that totally explained how i feel:
"Here's to the band. The band that shouts the things we're afraid to whisper. The band that spawned more inside jokes than outsiders can imagine. The band that formed friendships and healed broken hearts. Here's to the band that never made us feel alone, even when we were by ourselves. Here's to the band that can make our hearts skip in time with the drum beat. The band who can make us feel more than we ever thought we could. Here's to the band that unravels their minds to help us escape from our weary hearts. Here's to the band that gives me a reason to awake. Here's to the band that guides us through life. Here's to the band we love and care about. Here's to the band that we'll protect. Here's to our band."
so, raise your glasses to our band, the only people that we can truly trust to always be there for us. unlike the "friends" that i have.
i am going to take a bottle of pills to numb the pain when i take a warm bath with a razor. remember me the way i was because i have changed for the worse.
"i am the worst liar i know..."
Thursday, January 04, 2007
if they don't put me away it'll be a miracle
prepare yourself for another emotional tirade from yours truly
all i want is to feel loved. is that too much to ask for?
do you like me? yes or no. circle one and dear god do not add "maybe" because this alone is hard enough to get through. i can't believe you are so blind to what you do to me. i wish you hated me so i had a reason to avoid you.
i am so sick of broken promises from so many people.
i am on my third reading of "perks of being a wallflower" it feels good to know that someone else feels this way. the only thing is that the book brings up bad memories and fills me with so much remorse. i don't know when this started, this downward spiral, but i am afraid i will not make it back out. so please, remember me how i was, not how i will be going out, because it won't be pretty.
"Jesus" by Brand New
Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face
The kind you'd find on someone I could save
If they don't put me away
Well, it'll be a miracle
Do you believe you're missing out
That everything good is happening somewhere else?
But with nobody in your bed
The night's hard to get through
And I will die all alone
And when I arrive I won't know anyone
Well Jesus Christ, I'm alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
Cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend.
Well Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die,
I'm a little bit scared of what comes after
Do I get the gold chariot?
Do I float through the ceiling?
Do I divide and pull apart?
Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
And this ship went down in sight of land
And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands?
klonopin, my dear, cures all
i'm on a cocktail so endearing to my soul that if they toko it away, i'd probably wither away and die
so they just don't do that NO ONE takes away my happy pills
feel better, bitch, you're too fun to be all depressed
Posted by ~*bitch*~ on Friday, January 05, 2007 at 7:04 AM
Thursday, November 30, 2006
you stabbed me in the chest, i apologized for bleeding on your shirt
i wish i were pretty
i wish the world wasn't run by money
i wish you would stop saying "i love you" just because it feels like the right thing to say
i wish i wouldn't have told her that i was ok
i have a bottle of pills saved for nights like this
i will never let you break my heart again
"i was just gonna go to sleep and if i woke up, or when i woke up - and it was definately an 'if' or 'when' - then that's fine."
yeah, happy birthday to me
You're right, you aren't pretty - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
The world isn't run by money - it's run by YOU. At least your world is. Don't forget that.
I love you. And I hope it sounds as awkward as you know it would coming out of my awkward mouth.
As long as you always have something to look foward to, there will never be a reason to down a bottle of pills. And if you run out of things to look forward to, I'm flying you to Japan to slap you in the face and call you William Beckett.
You will break my heart if anything ever happens to my heterosexual life partner. I mean it.
loveandmiss.
Posted by James on Thursday, November 30, 2006 at 8:46 PM
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